Bromerica Rules of the Road

This a list of rules that the Country Blumpkin followed to the letter, in order to survive his cross country trip.

Use them wisely, carefully, and remember that rules were made to be ignored.

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1. Always pay cash at bars. No tabs, ever.

2. Don't take anything a pretty girl is offering. It ain't free.

3. Clean yourself up at the end of the drive each day.

4. A shot of whiskey is part of good hygiene.

5. Work the cruise control, and be sure to draft behind larger vehicles for good slingshot action.

6. Avoid all food at gas station and truck stops, but always keep one eye open for Taco Bell.

7. You can haggle everything. Every motel always has a basement room discount; every hooker has a quickie rate.

8. Fruits and vegetables go a long way in keeping the peace when sharing a bathroom.

9. Grease the wheels in every town- a couple of bucks to a bum go a long way.

10. Two jugs of water and two cups with straws is breakfast and lunch.

11. A full belly solves all problems; a full meal at the end of the day is a necessity. Make sure to split it so you can try more things.

12. Always take the ferry.

13. If you drive into town, you drive out. And give the night driver a shorter shift.

14. GPS and maps are useful, but not infallible. Instincts will always get you further.

15. When in doubt, order the food you've never eaten, drink the drank you've never drunk, and drive the road you've never driven.