Wednesday, March 17, 2010

The O'houligan(N); Webster Dictionary Definition

O'houligans (N)(PL): a species previously identified within the genus douche bag. Making a once a year appearance on St. Patricks Day in celebration of how conformity clearly breeds success. Often seen wearing the same green badge of honor, largely over weight, sometimes employed, keen on fashion, in need of a cigarette or at least a light, this is the proud evolution of island people who have escaped only to drive terribly; drunk or otherwise. O'houligans, mostly roam in packs for fear of isolation and self reflection, often muttering why that "bitch didn't want some of Tommy's shit. He is the bomb man." No I really did hear this today from a kid that looked and smelled like the guy that lives outside the entrance to my garage. The O'houligan only breeds on this one day a year although the result is more often a slew of apologies than a baby O'houligan. This is known as the O'houligan curse. Anyone with a birthday in Late December has a 92% chance of being a direct O'houligan descendant. Scholars have long speculated the O'houligan birthing season as an explanation to why the Blood of Christ is always represented with Alcohol; to some theologians this is a clear indication of his descendants from O'houligans. Often manic, it is recommended not to taunt the O'houligan. It is best to resign oneself from life for this one day, go to work, and abstain from Alcohol to ensure you do not succumb to the obvious aforementioned temptations and find yourself with a phoney limric t-shirt swearing allegiance to the O'houligan clan for ever.
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