Avatar Movie Review

So, if you haven't done so already, go see Avatar.

It's important, firstly, for the economy. If we want to get out of this recession, it starts with buying a $15 ticket to see Avatar. They spent a lot of money trying to make the damn thing; the least you can do is help them get some of that money back. Unless you want to keep watching Alvin and the Chipmunks.

One of the biggest reasons to go see the movie is the 3-D technology. It's amazing. You gotta see it in IMAX if possible. Don't sit too close though, or else you'll get a cold and headache just like my sister. You get the cold because all the sick people sit in the front. Although one time I was at the theater watching Ice Age and the family next to me had three kids sharing one seat. They were using it in shifts, and then they'd sit in the aisle waiting for their next turn.

Avatar is still selling out daily, so you probably won't be getting a seat any time soon. However, the nice thing is that you could probably turn this one into a date night for Valentine's Day, and the $3 surcharge for the glasses definitely moves the date in BJ compensation.

If you're still not sold on the effects, I bootlegged some of the movie on my camera. Check this shit out.

Exactly.

In case you don't know what the movie's all about, there's an alien world that is full of this stuff called unobtainium that the humans want. By the way, not to spoil the ending of the movie, but it's called unobtainium for a reason.

Anyways, it's worth a lot of money, so they sent the Terminator back to the future to get it for them. The only thing is, he doesn't know he's the Terminator. He hides in an alien body and lives with the aliens, and, like a good soldier in a foreign land, knocks one up.

But then her man gets pissed and kicks the shit out of him, and leaves him for dead. But wouldn't you believe, he likes the alien chick so much, that he goes back after her, most likely because she's easy, but also because there's this alien rule where if you bang an alien once, you're mated to her for life. So be careful with those one-night stands, prospective Avatar-slayers.

One nice feature that the Terminator has is that if he's not feeling the conversation, or is just bored of the aliens, he can just wake up and get out of the alien body whenever he wants. And... get this... the aliens like him so much that they take care of his body and protect it while he's not using it- it's kinda like a valet service.

Basically the movie starts off as Pocahantas, and then it kind of turns into Braverheart, but the plot really is not important. You've never been in a movie like this before. I've never seen a movie where I thought everything was real. It's better than a Turbo Ride. I tell you, this movie really makes you want your own Avatar, unlike that piece of shit movie Surrogates where everyone was pissed off in their avatars.

Also, there are no fat aliens! So, that's a plus if you're looking for a cute alien wifey. And some of them are great warriors, so they'll do the hunting and you can just hang out and stick your ponytail in places you shouldn't. See, the ponytail lets you do everything- it has these little feelers that link to other feelers in nature. That's also how you have sex.

All the aliens worship the god Enya, sleep in hammocks, and glow in the dark. Sign us up!



Granted, we succumbed to Avatardation pretty easily. This might be the best movie of the year. Watching it, I felt like Transformers 3 should just change its name to Avatar 2 if it wants to be any good. They don't get much better than this.

One gripe- the score. Most of you probably don't care, but the film's composer, James Horner, is like the Lil' Jon of film scoring. Listen to his score for The Perfect Storm, Troy, and then check out the music in this. The guy has one musical idea (da da duh- weeeeeeeee woooooo waaaaaa), otherwise he's stealing it from Hans Zimmer. In the year 2009, we still have the wailing woman as a musical cue (see Gladiator). It drives me nuts that he keeps getting work.

But other than that, you gotta see this movie in theaters. I have a feeling it's going to be kind of lame on DVD. And if you don't believe me, fellow BRM correspondent Bornostar saw it with his girlfriend who goes to Yale (!) and they loved it so much they got to hang out with James Cameron afterwards. Yeah!