Drake: Thank Me Later Album Review

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Well, Hip-Hop's savior has arrived with his first album.

Will Nate Dogg listen to it? Let's find out.

1. Fireworks with Alicia Keys- 2/5

Choice Lyric: "I'm just such a gentleman, you should give it up for me. Look at how I'm placing my napkins and my cutlery."

Maybe I'm missing something, but isn't Drake Canadian? What the hell does he care about July 4th? This is definitely not the kind of song I expect to be called "Fireworks," a really soft, kind of wack way to start an album. But it definitely lets you know what's in store for the next hour or so. And, it's never a great idea to have a real singer coming in right after your autotuning. It makes you look bad.

2. Karaoke- 1/5

Choice Lyric: "Isn't it ironic that the girl I want to marry is a wedding planner?"

I don't think that's irony. That seems more like good fortune. You're definitely going to have a really well-run wedding.

Were you feeling like Drake should do a Postal Service song on his album? At least Drake got my memo about the first track and decided that he was going to take over singing for the rest of the album.

3. The Resistance- 2/5

Choice Lyric: "I avoided the coke game and went with Sprite instead. That's word to the millions they putting up."

Drake, you would have never sold drugs- you're a half-white half-Jewish teenage MTV star who lives in the suburbs of Canada where they don't even lock their doors - and Coke owns Sprite, so that's word to you being a shill even on your own album that's supposed to be intensely personal.

This is definitely the part of the album where you wonder if he's seriously going to be like this the whole way through. And I hate to spoil the surprise, but....

4. Over- 3/5

Choice Lyric: "Bottles on me, as long as someone drinks it."

So you're saying that if you buy a bottle of booze, and no one drinks it, you're not going to pay for it. You might want to talk to management and see if that's all right.

I like the idea of this song, how the beat kind of wakes him up on the hook, but to be honest, the song kind of goes downhill as soon as the first verse starts. He's also made this song already (repetitive single chord with same drum beat)- "Forever," etc. - but, in the context of this album, it is a real breath of fresh air, some hard-hitting hip hop.

5. Show Me a Good Time- 2/5

Choice Lyric: "I don't even want to wait too long long long long tellin everybody we about to be on on on on."

That's kind of ironic, how long he takes to tell everyone the things he doesn't want to wait too long to tell them.

Who the fuck wants to listen to a song that starts like this? I don't care how many lounge singerchords you throw over it. Produced by Kanye West? I really hope that 808's has run its course out of his system and only onto other people's albums.

6. Up All Night with Nicki Minaj- 4/5

Choice Lyric: "We can't even rent them shoes unless there's a comma on the price tag. But who even looks at the price tag." If you're trying to ball like this, go to Europe. They use commas for decimals- save yourself a couple Sheckels. Also, you rent shoes?

If you had told me that my favorite track on this album was going to be the one with the bisexual chick rapper, well, I would have wondered why anyone else cares about these things as much as me. But thinking about it more, Drake spends so much time acting like a girl on this album that he might as well get the real thing.

7. Fancy with T.I. and Swizz Beatz- 2/5

Choice Lyric: "She was fine like a ticket on the dash."

Ughh. And since when is the meter maid getting into your car and leaving the ticket there, and not on the windshield?

Whenever you see Swizz Beatz as a feature on a track, you're either going to get a song like "On to the Next One" by Jay-Z, or a song like this. Neither are ever what you want. And this song has absolutely no right being five minutes long, if only for the fact that it's half a joke that was told much better on Drake's song "You the Fucking Best."

I do like the weird mono outro where Swizzy shouts out all of his catchphrases though.

8. Shut it Down with The-Dream- 1/5

Choice Lyric: "Baby, you finer than your fine cousin."

We've all been there.

This is the song you make seven minutes long?!

9. Unforgettable with Young Jeezy- 2/5

Choice Lyric: "I'm so fly I need feathers. Brrrr."

I guess the one thing I appreciate about a lot of these songs is that they usually only have two verses. Drake is good at sharing.

10. Light Up with Jay-Z- 3/5

Choice Lyric:

Drizzy: "I wrote it for your girlfriend- Kelsey Grammer."

Jay-Z: "I'm like Windows 7; you let them tell it, they swear they invented you."

I just wish someone would inspire Drake to change his rhyming style once- so he stops relying on making a weird simile, and then really hammering the coffin closed by relating it to something that provides absolutely no further depth to the thought.

From the song "Over" : "I really can't complain; everything is Kosher, two thumbs up- Ebert and Roeper!" Wait, I thought Siskel and Ebert came up with two thumbs up. Kind of shows the degenerative capabilities of Rap music. The problem is that nothing rhymes with "Siskel" or "Ebert," or "Roeper" for that matter. You shouldn't be using Yiddish in Hip Hop anyways- L'Chaim!

11. Miss Me with Lil' Wayne- 2/5

Choice Lyric: "D.R.A.K.E. stand for Do Right and Kill Everything."

I think someone didn't really read those Ten Commandments.

You know this is going to suck. The best part is when Lil' Wayne quotes some old school R&B and says, "I'm a love machine; I won't work for nobody but you." And once again, why does this atonal mess run 5 minutes?

12. Cece's Interlude- 1/5

Choice Lyric: "I wish that I was still in school so I could have you in my dorm room."

Huh? I think you can afford a real room now, with a real bed, and no roommates to watch you. Unless that's what you miss. Cece must be a lucky .... person.

13. Find Your Love- 1/5

Choice Lyric: "Hey, HEY, heyyyy."

Don't let me catch you listening to this song.

14. Thank Me Now- 2/5

Choice Lyric: "The doors will open up as soon as you find the missing key." Tell it like it is Drizzy!

Ever wanted to listen to a song where every sound is played backwards? Timbaland used to make some really cool music like this, back in the 90's.

Overall- 2/5

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I didn't know you could make a whole album without a single melody. If you've ever listened to running water, a cat sleeping on a piano, or even a cloud zooming by, and thought it would sound really good with a drum beat, then this is the album for you.

This album is the opposite of an alarm clock. This is background music for going to sleep, the sound of grass growing, it's some straight-up wheelchair music.

The same way that Kanye West was raised on Jay-Z and Wu-Tang, Drake was raised on Kanye West, and mayonnaise on his burgers. He must have heard Kid Cudi's album and knew that he really had to outdo himself. The album at least succeeds in that it all sounds the same; it must be said that Drake does these songs really well, probably better than Kanye. But don't give me a song like "Over" and let me think you might have some energy saved up for the rest of the album. That song should not be a highlight on any album. If you kind of dug this album though, I recommend listening to his mixtape "So Far Gone" - it's free, and he does these songs a lot better on that album. It seems that you can say that about Wale and Kid Cudi too.

What bothers me is that, while I always like to hear a new part of the world putting their sound on the mainstream stage, these cats from Toronto are really bummed out, or blazed out, or both. And then they get Eminem to buy into it, and make songs like "Not Afraid" with them? There has to be a happy medium between the energy in the club songs and the supposed artistry coming from guys like Drake. Dr. Dre, we need you bad, homie.

This album is the anthem for people who like to stare out windows on rainy days.