DJ ST: U makin me look like a fool again....
Ok... sorry about that.
As you can tell from the title, Scratch and I would like to chat with you about Holiday movies. I am sure you all have your favorites, (ours is Christmas vacation) but today we are covering the bad holiday movies. No I am not talking about Bad Santa. I am talking about really awful movies such as Jingle all the way. Movies that are so horrible, you laugh at them. Well today I am going to cover the horrible holiday movie that in my opinion started it all. I am sure many readers here have never stumbled across this movie, so I felt it appropriate that in the parlance of our time I discuss it. Some older readers may already be jumping to the conclusion that i will be reviewing the 1964 thrill a minute movie "Santa Conquers the Martians," and you of course would be wrong. While that movie is no doubt a watershed in the holiday movie library, it is not the worst......
I am going to review for you today a movie called "Santa Claus" (1959)
So let me set the scene. The movie was made in Mexico and as you can guess in 1959 with mostly Mexican actors. (I can already feel your excitement)
The movie opens with slides cards introducing the cast, while someone knock out some excellent Christmas tunes on a xylophone in what sounds like a basement. We are then introduced to Santa in his crystal palace where he lives in outer space. Santa moves to his organ and begins to play different notes that then show movies on a screen fixed to the organ of the kids that work with Santa to watch other kids and make toys.
At this point, we see that Santa works with kids all over the world. They show us the kids as the sing there native homeland songs. In case you were wondering, the US native song is Mary had a little lamb. By the end of the sequence you realize that Santa owns a sweatshop in the sky and may possible be a pedophile.
Anyway, after this we are introduced to Santa's nemesis, in this movie the devil. Lucifer (there term) then calls on Puck a demon of his to go to earth and tempt the kids into being naughty so that Santa will be angry.
Here is the point in the movie where you realize that most of the budget for the movie was spent on Santa's costume. The Demon is dressed in a red suit with the his face painted red and horns made from cardboard. This is comedy gold..... Also note that thankfully they had fog machines in 1959, or most of the special effects would be a flop.
On Puck's way up to earth to cause problems, (he is headed to Mexico City), he for some reason comes across a piece of paper that he holds and wants to have burst into flames. thing is you see that the paper is on fire before he even touches it.
Next we get to meet one of the stars of the film, the poor little Mexican girl Lupita. All Lupita wants for Christmas is a doll. Her family is to poor to buy her one so she is sad. Then we have 3 other Mexican boys who are naughty and a rich boy who just wants his parents to love him. that rounds out most of the cast except for one surprise cast member i will get to. So the Demon shows up trying to get Lupita and the rich boy to act bad. not happening. His next move shows the awesomeness of his powers as he summons 3 rocks out of nowhere for the 3 naughty boys to throw through a shop window..... Oh the powers of the devil!
(side note here, a plot based on getting Mexican kids to steal... way ahead of it's time.)
Next we see the demon attempt to affect the dreams of the child actors by whispering in there ears. This leads us into a creepy sequence where giant dolls dance around Lupita telling her to steal. At the end she questions whether Santa hates poor people. A great question in and of itself. (Again way ahead of it's time)
At this point Santa up in his crystal palace gets angry and prepares to head to earth for Christmas to deliver presents. Here is the moment we meet our surprise cast member, and really we should have seen this coming. As Santa prepares for his trip, he heads down to Merlin's lab to get what he needs for his trip. (That's right folks, Merlin the Magician helps Santa deliver his presents.) Merlin, gives Santa all the tricks and special powders he requires to bring us our presents every year. After this we get to meet Santa's reindeer, they are big and white and made of Styrofoam. this is explained by letting us know that Santa's reindeer are actually toys that he has to wind with a big key before he ventures out.
Santa then loads the sleigh and heads to earth. (We realize here Santa is either Senile or drunk, maybe both because he almost hits the moon on his way down to earth.) From here it is straight to...... you guessed it, MEXICO! where else would he go?
At this point I will end my review, I am sure I have wet your appetite enough that you would not want me to spoil any more of this absolute gem. If you want to find out what happens to dear Lupita in the end you will have to watch the movie for yourself. Once you do, you will also understand why I say "thank god for toy wind up cat's."
Enjoy the holiday movie season!
Mass$ + DJSC
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