Kanye's Back

It's no Detox single, but it's probably better that way.


http://www.2dopeboyz.com/2010/05/28/kanye-west-–-power-f-dwele/

And here's a picture of Kanye with Megamillions' girlfriend.

Qualifiably the most awesome thing I have ever seen

For anyone who ever wondered what the result of Lissy's indiscretion with that Indonesian heart throb was...

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/2987307/First-shocking-pictures-of-smoking-toddler-Ardi-Rizal.html

I'm forming a boy band...

And you're all invited!

We're the Gentlemen Cuddlers- basically like a supergroup of all the guys who banged Justin Bieber's, Usher's, and Justin Timberlake's moms.

As a side note, who the hell are all these other Street Fighter characters?

TV on Airplanes

I was flying cross-country late one night watching Satellite TV and I caught this bit, which is part of one of the more clever British TV shows, Gareth Marenghi's Darkplace.

One of the things technology has ruined is the discovery of a surprise program on TV. Now with DVR and Sportscenter telling you every upcoming moment, you can't just flip to a channel and find something that blows you away. Especially when you're really high at about 2 in the morning. I think the last time it happened to me I caught an episode of MTV's Wonder Showzen.

But then again, without technology, I wouldn't have been able to figure out what the hell I even saw on the airplane that fateful night. I think there's a term involving a sword sharpened on both sides that applies here.

Baby Sam?????

A Robot's Birthday Party

On Tuesday we conveined a special session of our film advisory board to address quesitons regarding claims of inferior film making in Rocky 2, Beverly Hills Cop 2, & Fletch Lives. It was decided that neither Beverly Hills Cop 2 or Fletch Lives were even up for discussion as they are a moot points; Both are inconic masterpieces of the late 1980s. The question of the accomplishments made in Rocky 2 were debated and it was ulitmatly decided that it was a transition film that was never followed up upon. However, the "actual" turning point for the rocky franchise was made in the above scene. The official Shark Jump can be seen above for those with continued interest in this important matter.

Another visit from an old friend

Cue it up to about 3 minutes.

Woop Woop! We're turning into her number one fan here!

Iron Man 2 Review: A Retrospective

SPOILERS: DON'T READ IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW ALL THE STUPID THINGS THAT HAPPEN IN IRON MAN 2 :SPOILERS

The best part of Iron Man 2 happened for me before the movie even started when I bumped into Santana in the popcorn line.

It all kind of went downhill from there, except that that new Dinardo movie Inception looks awesome. Now, I don't think Iron Man 2 was a bad movie by any means; I just think you'll be hard-pressed to find a more disappointing film this year.

But to be honest, you really shouldn't be disappointed. Looking back at Iron Man 1, the first half was stellar, probably better than just about any superhero movie, and the second half was pretty average. Iron Man 2 kind of just keeps that second half ball rolling. My guess is that the first half of Iron Man 3 will suck, but the end of it will be really good, and back on par with what they started.

Some things that I had a problem with during the film:

Right at the start, you've got a guy who wears a suit with the capabilities of flight ... on an airplane. It's a little thing, but still, Iron Man probably doesn't need to be taking planes to get to where he needs to go. However, I did really like the dancing girls.

Okay, so cut to the courtroom- Iron Man has saved the world, but everyone's worried that someone else will have the capabilities to make a suit like this, so they need his to prevent that. Well, correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't someone at the END OF THE FIRST MOVIE build a suit just like his? I don't think this is an unfounded fear.

Anyways, Tony Stark acts like a huge dick and just leaves- something he does a lot in this movie.

All right, so sum mo' BS, cut to Monaco and the racetrack. And Whiplash is there slicing up cars with his whips, which are pretty sweet, I must say.

And then he sees Tony Stark and starts trying to kill him- one of the few downsides of letting people know your identity. However, Stark wasn't supposed to even be in that car. So what was Whiplash's plan here? Just keep slicing up cars until Iron Man showed up to save the day? And how come a whip of electricity can slice through metal but not Robert Downey Jr.'s ankles?

But okay, it was just a first showdown. Of course, anywhere else in the world and this guy would have been shot 100 times by the police. Here, they just wait til Iron Man subdues him and then cuff him. I also love how in movies, prisons in any foreign country, even first-world ones, are total lawless shanties where anything goes.

All right, let's speed up here- so Whiplash busts out of prison, teams up with a rich guy who's going to hook him up, they go to the secret lab, and a guy who's just spent the last 15 years in prison is firing on all cylinders typing away at an ultra-futuristic keyboard. I get that he's a genius scientist, but come on.

This is also where the movie really loses steam, as both of its main characters are placed under house arrest.

First off, those whips are really dangerous and should not be used indoors. Second of all, why imprison these two characters? Sure it provides a nice parallel between the two sons of scientists, but one thinks the other is dead, so they are not in conflict with each other any more. Iron Man is once again without a nemesis, an antagonist, which was the main problem with the first film.

The movie then presents another great opportunity for some conflict when Iron Man gets hammered and fights his buddy War Machine, which by the way was a really weak and forced way to squeeze in the name of the character in the movie. He's more like a party-crashing machine, or house-wrecking machine.

This is where the movie shows promise. Iron Man is drunk as shit, playing DJ Hero, partying. It's the fun that was all over the first movie. And we get a great battle between two Iron Men.

Side note: I'm a little confused as to how War Machine can even exist. Don't the suits need a power source to work, which only exists in Tony Stark's chest, which is why he's unique? And I thought the extra one that he had was destroyed at the end of the first movie. And even if they came up with with a way to just throw one in the suit and let anyone use it, Iron Man doesn't use that old and busted suit anymore, so why would he spend the time to upgrade it to these capabilities? So that Gwyneth Paltrow could get his back? And finally, wasn't a large portion of the first movie about Tony trying to figure out how to even use the suit, and here comes Don Cheadle acting like a combat vet in his Spartan armor. I guess it's part of your training in the army now.

So they fight, fuck shit up, and then Don Cheadle bounces with the suit that Iron Man has spent the whole movie trying to protect. I'm reminded of a scene from another film:

You've got a great opportunity for conflict here! Iron Man now has to chase after his best friend to get this prized possession back, or else the government will use it for evil! Iron Man has to take on the army! No, instead, Iron Man just says "Fuck it."

And then Sam Jackson shows up, just for shits and giggles, because he is the only person in the world that has the antidote to Tony Stark's heart problem, even though Tony Stark has absolutely no boundaries in solving the most difficult problems of the world. I also like this scene because after seeing Iron Man smash through concrete with his heavy ass suit, he can also sit on plastic benches, no problem.

These next few scenes kind of sum up the problems of this film. Tony doesn't do anything in the entire movie. People just tell him things- it reminds me a lot of watching Angels and Demons or The DaVinci Code where they run around for a little bit, then Tom Hanks and Magneto tell the girl some history, then they run some more, repeat. It's just the laziest storytelling. And here Tony doesn't even get to run around. There's one scene where he drives to show off a little Audi product placement, and that's it.

So now Iron Man is on house arrest, and has to solve a riddle that his dad made for him, in the hopes that 40 years after he invented a new element using a theme park, Tony will finally have the 3-D computer to interpret the map and make the element which just so happens to be the same element that he needs to keep him from dying.

For starters, they were making new elements back in the day, Dad- I think you could have taken care of this one. And how come you can write the blueprint for the element in the 60's, but you can't read it until you get a computer from the 23rd century? But mostly, this part of the movie exists so that Iron Man doesn't go chase after his suit and instead lets the government run wild with it. Even though he does leave the house. Even though they were guards posted all over the premises. And even though when he comes back no one cares. Even though they said they were going to taser him and make him watch Supernanny if he left.

This was probably the last thing this movie needed at this point in the film.

So he makes a new element, which happens to be a triangle instead of a circle, so he has to make a new heart as well, and a new holder for it on his suit, all in about 30 minutes, it seems. And then he meets back up with War Machine at the expo.

A few thoughts about other developments- War Machine asks the Gun manufacturer to put all the guns in the suit, but then at the end we only see two of them. Where's the scene where Don Cheadle's using a pistol to take down enemy Iron Men? And then Hammer the gun guy shows off his new Iron Men at the end, and has a bunch for each branch of the military, EXCEPT for the Coast Guard! Fuck you, Hammer!

Then of course, everything goes to shit, and Iron Man and War Machine save the day. I couldn't help but think that this movie should have been reworked to have this be at the beginning of the movie. Hammer could have busted these things out at the beginning, they suck, then he meets Whiplash, who helps him cook up some good ones. The way this movie is structured, you might as well have just left Whiplash out, or just make him some techno nerd, because other than that first scene at the race tracks, he just sits in jail cells.

We get a big finale, with lots of explosions. And of course, the first thing I think of is collateral damage. One moment I really like is when one of the bad Iron Men, who has been blasting carelessly for 5 minutes, drops down behind a kid wearing an plastic Iron Man mask (Whiplash is controlling these things and gets fooled by a kid with a balloon who is not even wearing the Time's Man of the Year World's Most Famous Suit) and takes about an hour to carefully line up his shot, until the real Iron Man can come and save the day, and then flies away without burning the kid with his thrusters.

Why does Iron Man insist on flying as close as possible to buildings, highways, and people? With all the bullets and explosions going on? Why doesn't he just fly up into outer space like he did last time and just ice all these shitty clones? And finally, why does he have to stop and land in a park before he can use his weapons? Why doesn't he blast these suckers out of the sky while they're chasing after him?

And finally finally, I probably would have brought a backpack full of ammo for that circle laser he uses. That thing could have ended the fight really quickly, like, all the way back when these things were all still on the ground inanimate at the expo.

And triple finally, so Whiplash comes back with a suit and some super whips, and although he's making a huge mistake by not wearing the special helmet he spent all that time building for himself, the major weakness is that he didn't make longer whips. I have drawn a diagram of how you beat Whiplash in 2 seconds when it's Iron Man and War Machine versus.

Don't give us some lame Ghostbusters-knock off crossing the streams moment, followed by a scene stolen from Predator where the bad guy dies laughing and blows up the world, except that the explosions in this movie are basically just fireworks. I guess even the fact that they pulled the "Let's do that thing we did earlier in the movie where we shoot our lasers at each other" scene is showing how much effort they put into this.

And once again, after everyone complaining how lame an ending Iron Man 1 had where the bad guy gets into a big-ass Iron Man suit, what do they do here? And how the hell did Mickey Rourke get so good at using the suit?!?

And then the movie ends with a scene from Star Wars, where everyone gets a medal and the world is saved. Oh, and all that sexual tension that was boiling in the first movie but was completely forgotten about in this one is released as Tony hooks up with Gwyneth Paltrow, who is the only CEO I know of that is allowed to stay directly in harm's way without a bodyguard.

Oh, and there's a little scene at the end of the credits too, just like in the first movie, except that where that scene teased us with a new character (Sam Jackson as Nick Fury) and started setting up the sequel, here we get a scene where you see a hammer in a crater in the desert, and have to know of course, that the next Marvel movie is Thor, and that Thor has a hammer. And he's the only one who can pick it up. So we're left with a scene that has nothing to do with Iron Man 3.

Hopefully they did this for a good reason, as they realized they really need to go back to the drawing board and figure out what the hell the third movie is going to be about.

Some other thoughts:

I love how they tell you that Whiplash and his dad are bad guys because they were trying to make some money by selling their research to foreign governments, even though that's exactly what Tony used to do.

Scarlet Johannson finally gets to fight a bunch of people, but it seems like she just climbs on them and spins around them really fast until she gives them Indian sunburn and they fall down, while Jon Favreau has to fight the one guy who can take 15 punches and not go down.

And of course, even though he did nothing wrong, they arrest Hammer Time, just so that he can come back in the third movie, probably in an Iron Man suit of his own.

Like I said, it's not a bad movie- it's better than all of the Spidermans- but it's not a good movie either. It's main problem is shared by all the superhero movies- Batman, Spider-man, X-Men, etc.- it just picks one theme and keeps harping on it over and over. "Tony, your ego is out of control, you're dying, you have to change, you can't do this alone." "With great power comes great responsibility." "How do I stay true to my convictions of justice with all of these bad guys who have no morals?" "I'm really scared of bats so you will be too." "Mutants are like gay people and they deserve rights too."

Movies are supposed to be about a lot of things, and this one, for as much as seemingly happens in it, isn't really about anything. There's about one hour of a cool Iron Man movie here, and about one hour of shitty filler. Here's hoping they figure out which is which in the next one.

Rice-orant

Some friends of mine love rice so much that they want to start their own rice restaurant. Well add this to the list of things to have at you restaurant boys....


http://web.orange.co.uk/article/quirkies/New_bra_grows_your_own_rice

Iron Man 2 Review

First thing that comes up when you google Iron Man is lame

Iron Man 2 was terrible. Horrendous. Atrocious. I can't describe my level of disappointment.....and it made 128 million dollars. The good news is I've learned a valuable lesson.

There are no more good movies that end with 2... or 3... or any number by itself.

Long gone are the days when some of the best movies were sequels. Rocky, Die Hard, Fletch and Beverly Hills Cop all spawned movies just as entertaining as the original. Content has taken such a backseat to special effects that we fool ourselves into thinking movies are better than they are. Effects cannot carry a sequel. I guarantee that Avatar 2 will be lame.

First thing that comes up when you google Avatar is gay

After suffering through this latest blockbuster cop-out, I'm ready to write of any sequel that is too lazy to at least come up with a sub-title. Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: Secret of the Ooze or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3: Turtles in Time- these weren't great movies but they let you know what to expect. This at least gives unknowing fans a preview of what's to come. For example, if they'd called this movie Iron Man 2: Tony Stark's Mid-Life Crisis, I'd have had the better sense to avoid the movie. I would have just waited for Iron Man 3: Shit Blows Up.

First thing that comes up when you google Iron Man is stupid

So I ask you all to skip Iron Man 2. Save your money for more important things, like booze. And for those of you who've already seen it, I suggest you forget your frustration and focus on more important things, like booze.

First thing that comes up when you google Bobby Crooked is stupid

I love Phil Collins

Worst use of a Conga song / Best DJ Boob Slap EVER!!!
JJ

The birthday boys hangin out on the porch...

The Mighty Duck man himself!!!!!


EMILIO!!!!!

UPDATED: Long lost family photo!

I think I can see the other two Baldwins in the way back there!

Today!

On this date:

In 1870, an act creating the Canadian province of Manitoba was given royal assent, to take effect in July.

In 1930, Chicago's Adler Planetarium first opened to the public.

In 1932, the body of Charles Lindbergh Jr., the kidnapped son of Charles and Anne Lindbergh, was found in a wooded area near Hopewell, N.J.

In 1937, Britain's King George VI was crowned at Westminster Abbey.

In 1943, during World War II, Axis forces in North Africa surrendered.

In 1958, the United States and Canada signed an agreement to create the North American Air Defense Command (later the North American Aerospace Defense Command, or NORAD for short).

In 1970, the Senate voted unanimously to confirm Harry A. Blackmun as a Supreme Court justice.

In 1975, the White House announced the new Cambodian government had seized an American merchant ship, the Mayaguez, in international waters.

In 1978, the Commerce Department said hurricanes would no longer be given only female names.

In 1982, in Fatima, Portugal, security guards overpowered a Spanish priest armed with a bayonet who attacked Pope John Paul II. (In 2008, the pope's longtime private secretary revealed the pontiff was slightly wounded.)

In 1987, Bobby Crooked was born.

Ten years ago: During visits to Ohio and Minnesota, President Bill Clinton called for open trade with China, saying it would help the communist nation move closer to democracy. Adam Petty, 19, the fourth-generation driver of NASCAR's most famous family, died in a crash during practice for the Busch 200 at New Hampshire International Speedway.

Five years ago: The Foreign Relations Committee voted 10-8 along party lines to advance John Bolton's nomination to be U.N. ambassador without the customary recommendation that the Senate approve it. Microsoft officially unveiled its Xbox 360 video game console.

One year ago: The government warned that without changes, Social Security would be depleted in 2037, and the Medicare trust fund would become insolvent in 2017. Five Miami men were convicted in a plot to blow up FBI buildings and Chicago's Sears Tower. Suspected Nazi death camp guard John Demjanjuk was deported from the United States to Germany. On the second day of his Holy Land tour, Pope Benedict XVI took his message of peace to the Dome of the Rock in Jerusalem.

Today's Birthdays: Baseball Hall-of-Famer Yogi Berra is 85. Critic John Simon is 85. Composer Burt Bacharach is 82. Actress Millie Perkins is 72. Rhythm-and-blues singer Jayotis Washington is 69. Country singer Billy Swan is 68. Actress Linda Dano is 67. Musician Ian McLagan is 65. Actress Lindsay Crouse is 62. Singer-musician Steve Winwood is 62. Actor Gabriel Byrne is 60. Actor Bruce Boxleitner is 60. Singer Billy Squier is 60. Country singer Kix Brooks is 55. Actress Kim Greist is 52. Rock musician Eric Singer (KISS) is 52. Actor Ving Rhames is 51. Rock musician Billy Duffy is 49. Actor Emilio Estevez is 48. Actress April Grace is 48. Actress Vanessa A. Williams ("Melrose Place") is 47. Country musician Eddie Kilgallon is 45. Actor Stephen Baldwin is 44. Actor Scott Schwartz is 42. Actress Kim Fields is 41. Actress Samantha Mathis is 40. Actress Jamie Luner is 39. Actor Christian Campbell is 38. Actor Mackenzie Astin is 37. Actress Malin (MAH'-lin) Akerman is 32. Actor Jason Biggs is 32. Actress Emily VanCamp is 24. Actor Malcolm David Kelley is 18. Actors Sullivan and Sawyer Sweeten ("Everybody Loves Raymond") are 15.

I am just so confused by this... yet so entertained...

The next step in scented candle evolution

A fellow BRM contributor first came up with the idea for the Bacon scented candle years ago. Where has the scented candle industry gone in just a few short years?



The White Castle Burger scented candle.

Goddamn internet

Well, I thought I'd share with you something I did today on the internet. I learned how to upload audio files. While it seems like this should be really easy, it is, in fact, ridiculously difficult.

So, I thought I'd share a new beat I did, just to show how well I spent my time today learning internet code.


Oh, and ¡Happy Cinco de Mayo!

They're Making Music in 3-D now

This is the official album cover for the hot music sensation Drake. The album is reported to also include 3-d glasses to give the listener "a deeper experience" that makes it sounds like Drake is in the room with you.

If you don't know who this guy is, Kanye wrote a song for him.

And here's another track.

Oh, and I also found out today is Star Wars Day - May the Fourth be with you.

Anniversary Plans

My anniversary is coming up and I decided to treat my wife to something special. She's always telling me how much she likes helping children, so much so, that we've even discussed adopting a child from an impoverished country. She's also always telling me that I can't dance. So I've done some research and I think that I've found the perfect gift. I might take both of them - 1 chubby, 1 skinny. Any thoughts???

JJ

Maybe should've thought this one through

Time to build up an immunity to Tasers.

In a move that should surprise no one who follows the faithful fans of Philadelphia, this 17 year-old kid just got tazed after running around on the field like a true fan, skipping and waving that stupid towel.

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/dailypitch/post/2010/05/police-stand-behind-officer-who-tasered-phillies-fan/1

Supposedly he called his dad right beforehand, who suggested that it might not be the best idea to run onto the field.

Between this and Pukey at the Park, Philadelphia is really standing out ahead of the pack with their ability to continually be as obnoxious as possible.