As you may or may not know, Dutch got dumped. Not really that recently, but enough so that when I get drunk, I do get a little misty-eyed and think about sending text messages to a person who isn't even in this country anymore. And those are the worst, because you can't take those back for, like, another 10 months.
Anyways, a few weeks after it happened, my buddy Shortcut Mike and I went out to watch some basketball, eat pizza, and drink IPA's. The bars in my neck of the woods are strange, in that there aren't many. That means that these bars have to work extra hard to help out the thirsty. Luckily for me, that means I don't have to work as hard with the Unusual Game ® to get a piece of strange.
You know your doing pretty well when only one girl at the bar is your age, and she's playing pool with some ol' coots, and she immediately asks you to save her. I took that feather, put it in my pimp cap, and posted up to enjoy myself and let it all play out.
Sure enough, she was over at my table 15 minutes later, looking for a slice. Shortcut Mike and I had just brought in an extra large with everything on it, except that instead of pepperoni and sausage, we went for chicken; I call it a Swap Meat ™.
Girl was hungry too, but not as much as the crackhead who was also hanging out at the bar- except that she was only a crackhead in attitude. She'd chew a piece and then spit it out on a napkin and walk away and put on her North Face to make a phone call outside on her iPhone.
So we're watching the watching the Warriors game, girl says she can get free tickets for us, I write my number on her arm, then she leaves with some other dude. Oh well. I'll just play some pool.
She comes back in, starts hanging out with another dude, who was a lot bigger and balder than me, so I knew from past experience this was not the girl to steal. I was getting a little confused as to why she told me her boyfriend was in Japan though...
But, I stayed focused, ignored her, and guess what? Sure enough, she was all over me. Out of sight out of mind, because the bald dude kept going to the bathroom, or standing in just the right spot behind a post or something. I just kept telling myself that he couldn't see me.
At first it was playful, and then I decided the night was getting played out, so I took her over to the Cruisin' USA machine and had her facing me while I was in the driver's seat trying to get through the damn Redwood Forest.
THE GOOD
It's not too often you get to have a little rodeo in public. She took her shirt off too, until the bartender threw a pitcher on us and told us that we were being unhygenic.
THE BAD
She was a little too drunk for even basic kissing functions. Not to knock her hustle, but I started to feel bad for her boyfriend.
THE UGLY
After I left, and she told me she loved me, the next day I get a phone call. It's her, and she's basically dictating (not so subtly) what I need to say to her boyfriend who then gets on the phone.
"Yeah bro, I'm wondering why my girl has has some number on her arm. She's saying something about basketball tickets, but she has a history of alcoholism and a problem with lying. So be straight with me, dude."
....
"No man, it was real casual."
It was the best I could do. It was not the time for my man to know, even though it seemed like he already knew. He thanked me for being honest, and was glad that his girl was still a good girl, because, "once a good girl's gone bad, she's gone forever."
Besides, he was probably just happy to see her after his long trip to Japan.
No comments:
Post a Comment